If newspapers poked more fun at themselves instead of getting all righteously indignant about new media, they would generate more sympathy. Therefore, let's call them "snailpapers".

http://www.newspaperdeathwatch.com/ny-times-swallows-paywall-pill.html

……has come up with a new word for newspapers. He calls
them “snailpapers.” [But] the longtime newspaperman insists this is a
term of endearment, not derision. He thinks maybe if newspapers poked
more fun at themselves instead of getting all righteously indignant
about new media, they would generate more sympathy.