The snailpaper song: a novelty song in the tradition of Weird Al Yankovich and titled "I Just Can't Live (without my daily snailpaper)"

artwork by (c) 2010 Mary Susan MacDonald

performed by J. Gale Kilgore in Big Spring Texas, and available on mp3 free file sharing software for newspaper reporters (and editors) everywhere, including Scott Simon and Neal Conan at NPR who I hope will interview me about the song on All Things Considered soon, with music in the background and intro too.

lyrics by Danny Bloom (c) 2010 or as long as the Internet, which Al Gore invented, shall exist
MP3 LINK HERE
go to link here at mp3 filesite and click on PLAY button, song is six minutes long, NSFW!
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O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here ...atomic typos there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

Maybe you know him, my DC pal Bradlee
Ben's the one sidelined Tricky Dick-ee
O Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame
There's nothing better than the newspaper game!

I think you know Bill Keller too
He runs the Times and knows old from new -- (media that is)
Maureen Dowd to the left of him, Dave Brooks to the right
If it's fit to print, it's in the New York Times tonight!

O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here and small typos there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

Now there's Alex Beam at the Boston Globe
He doesn't pull punches and he's really quite bold
The son of a diplomat, he's travelled -- literally -- the Globe!
The Globe is a snailpaper that'll never grow old



O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here atomic typos there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

In Chicago, there's Steinberg, Neil with a hat
He's a serious writer who never falls flat
Snailpapers help the Windy City unwind
My kind of town, what a newpaper mine!

O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here atomic typos there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

L.A. used to print the invincible Her-Ex
Reporters in their cars dine on savory Tex-Mex
If you're going to Hollywood, read the L.A. Times
Snailpapers for sale on Hollywood and Vine

O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here atomic there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

Miami's a Herald, and D.C.'s a Post
Boulder's a Camera and Walter Winchell's a ghost
So let's save our papers, preserve them in print
Call them snailpapers, ''let Drudge word mint!''

O life is just one long newspaper caper
I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here atomic typos  there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

London's awash in snailpapers too
Simon Hoggart's written for a few
And that guy, what'ziz name? Danny Finkelstein
The Brits invented sub-editors you know: deadline! deadline!

O life is just one long newspaper caper

I just can't live without my daily snailpaper
"Crash blossoms" here atomic typos there
O where would I be without my dear snailpaper?

FADE TO BLACK: last person to leave the building, please turn out the lights. Sigh.


References: -------------------------------

0.1  ''snailpapers'': word coined in oped in the Juneau Empire ''MY TURN'' column by Dan E. Bloom in February 2010; used as a term of endearment for our daily print newspaper which arrive in the morning with news that is 12 hours late or so...
http://www.juneauempire.com/stories/021510/opi_563323277.shtml


1. crash blossoms, see article by Ben Zimmer in the New York Times on January 31, 2010, ON LANGUAGE column, Sunday Magazine, http://www.nytimes.com - first spotted by eagle-eyed editor Michael O'Brien in Japan summer of 2009 in a Japan Today headline about a 1985 crash survivor whose career as a violinist blossomed later in life:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/31/magazine/31FOB-onlanguage-t.html





2. ''atomic typos'' are typos that spellcheck cannot find. See link:
http://atomictypo.blogspot.com/2005/01/this-website-is-dedicated-to.html


3. Ben Bradlee, editor at large for the Washington Post, the famous editor who helped take down Richard Nixon during the Watergate Era, with his two gumshoe reporters....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_C._Bradlee

3.5  Tricky Dicky, aka Richard Nixon, a very unpopular president of the USA long ago before the Internet
http://www.juneauempire.com/stories/021510/opi_563323277.shtml



4. Woodward and Bernstein doing the Deep Throat legwork
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Woodward
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Bernstein
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Throat



5. Bill Keller, executive editor of the New York Times
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Keller


6. Maureen Dowd, popular open-minded columnist for the New York Times
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maureen_Dowd


7. David Brooks, popular conservative columnist
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Brooks_(journalist)


8. Alex Beam, popular amazing columnist for the Boston Globe
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/beam/


9. Neil Steinberg, popular right-on columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times
http://www.suntimes.com/news/steinberg/index.html


10. ''Windy City'', nickname for Chicago
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_the_name_"Windy_City"


11. "My kind of town" , reference to old Frank Sinatra song, "My Kind of Town, Chicago Is"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Kind_of_Town

11.5  Her-Ex, the Los Angeles Herald-Examiner, a now-defunct newspaper nicknamed the Her-Ex back in the day and where the writer of this song once worked as an editorial page editor (letters section) under executive editor Mary Anne Dolan, who was his editor also at the also now-defunct Washington Star back in the 1970s when he did a weekly cartoon panel called Bloomsday. Come to think of it, this Bloom character seems to have worked an awful lot at soon-to-be-defunct snailpapers! Karma?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Los_Angeles_Herald-Examiner
In addition to James Richardson and Agness Underwood, other Examiner/Herald Examiner staff included crime reporter Tommy Devlin, rewrite staffer Marjorie Driscoll, reporters Fred Eldridge Jr. Carl Greenberg, Jim Murray, Margaret Boutyette Scott, Laura Bleiberg and Will Fowler; sports writer Andy “Bud” Furillo, gossip columnist Louella Parsons, columnist Tony Castro, City Editor Bill Johnson, editors Jim Bellows and Maxwell McCrohon, and copy desk chief Dave Barton. Photographers included Ferdie Olmo, Felix Paegel, Paul Chinn, Dean Musgrove, Chris Gulker, Leo Jarzomb Jim Reubsamen, Xavier Mendoza, Rob Brown, Mike Mullen and Dan Bloom. The newspaper's cartonnist was Karl Hubenthal. The motion picture, Fever Pitch, starring Ryan O'Neal as a Herald Examiner sportswriter, was filmed extensively at the Herald Examiner offices in 1985. Many Examiner staffers had small roles in the filmed, which was panned by critics.


12. Walter Winchell, famous newspaper columnist of old
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Winchell


12. Matt Drudge, famous Internet aggregator of today
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Drudge