a survivor spoke out
posted by dan at 8:17 AM
Saturday, April 24, 2010
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8 Comments:
Children often left to the own to deal with the ongoings of their life have no means to communicate their hardships through their way of living. I believe that Phoebe had certain disadvantages that conflicted her way of way of interaction with people, especially considering the cultural differences between where she was raised and here in the great US of A where everything is sexual in nature.
No matter what the circumstances of her life her, she was a child. A child who needed guidance, protection, and the assurance that she was safe.....that school provided none of these things for her, and left to her own accord, she saw no real solution to her dilmenia.
Personally, I think those children, at least some of them, knew her vulnerability and had fun trying to push her to the point of no return.
I truly hope that justice prevails, and if this ugly "at the time rumor stuff" is true as it appears to be, I only hope that these adults who failed her are held accountable for failing to protect her.
Long live Phoebe in the new policies, laws, legislation, marches, awareness campaigns, and the united humanitarian awareness this has caused. We are finally on our way to a ZERO TOLERANCE to bullying!!!! :)
well said Miss Regina, thanks for posting here. your views are welcome. -- danny
A reader of Jennifer's post tells me, in all candor, that she thinks Jennifer is a plant from the defense lawyer team. REALLY:
She wrote:
"Danny, Read her post...Thank you, ....now that i did read it...It looks like it was authored by one of the defense lawyers. They don't have a name attached nor do they have a purpose to writing it other than justifying poor choices and trying to sway the opinions of people; he/she deflects from the fact a child is now dead because some sociopaths wanted to destroy her and many grownups were neglectful in stopping them...It's like justifying a mugging, if the victim wasn't so well such a vctim...then that mugger would not of been so inclined to bang them over the head and steal from him!''
[danny - OUCH: PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN BELIEVE REAL VICTIMS OF SEX ABUSE! WHATS WRONG WITH AMERICA THESE DAYS?]
my friend adds, when i told her Jennifer is real and NOT a defense plant, she writes:
''I'm just naturally analytical (it's made me very successful as a SPED teacher) and more recently Ihave become a conspiracy theorist... the USA apathetically watches our MSM slither around presenting the reporters opinions instead of stone cold facts and worse has dumbed down the news to the point where Woods, Lohan Bullock and O'Donnell make it to the headlines and little pesky things like we're in a war in two different countries and our government is pillaging our country dem or rep is placed on the backburner...I guess u know this living in the UK , u have "The Mirror"...
..."As for Jennifer, she/he is proposing that Phoebe was sexually abused and as a result of that was promiscuous with really nothing to back up the claim; the advantage that a person has in reading it, is that it will bolster the defense team for the 2 men accused of statutory rape...I personally am not drawing a conclusion without empirical evidence... "
All I can add here is that it's multi-variate, the equation that predicts abuse, and you're right, addressing sexual abuse as it manifests is one of them.
Help kids and they're going to survive. Ignore the signals, and they spiral down, doesn't matter what the socio-economics are-- mental health is compromised without that TLC we call treatment.
With regards to the above commentor, her suggestion that I work for the defense team is laughable at best, perhaps she should take some time to read through the poems and artwork on my blog here: http://www.redbubble.com/people/missyjennyb many of them deal with my personal struggles to make sense of my life and the abusive situations I continually found myself in, people like that commentor don't do abuse 'victims' any favours by wearing rose-coloured glasses and refusing to help them understand themselves and their very self-destructive behaviours, and if nobody gives my story or words any credence, then what help for abuse victims is there? Sometimes the truth needs to be heard, unfortunately the so-called professionals who need to hear it the most, find it too difficult to handle or accept. In no way am I condoning schools not taking tough measures against bullies, (for the record, later on in life I became a teacher and taught many abused, dysfunctional children), but let's face it, the world is not a 'pleasant,' 'ideal' world to live in, there will always be bullies and there will always be abusers, all I'm saying is that we don't have to make things easier for them by playing straight into their hands. There are reasons why 'Predators' know exactly which prey to seek out.
The following is a comment that I posted on Jennifer B's post about this blog on RedBubble
The reason that we don’t “blame the victim” in America has nothing to do with being too “PC.” It is about achieving justice for victims. It was a common defense practice in this country to “blame” the victims of rape and sexual abuse by putting them on trial. Their entire sexual history would be dug up by investigators and then painfully displayed for all the world to see. By the time a “good” defense attorney finished with a rape victim, she (it was almost always a “she”) appeared to have gone in search of her abuser and virtually begged to be assaulted. In other words, “she asked for it.” This practice is common among the general populace, and is partly to blame for women not reporting rape. They would be assaulted twice: once by their rapists and a second time by the defense attorney at trial. We have “rape shield laws” now that prevent defense attorneys from using a victim’s sexual history against her to discredit her claim that she was raped. We firmly believe (those of us with a mind for justice that is) that even a prostitute has the right to say “NO” and have that request honored even by her “customer.”
As for the bullying of Phoebe, regardless of her past, her risky behavior, or anything she may have done to “ask for it” there is simply no excuse for the behavior of the bullies. None. Zero. They will not be able to mount a defense based on “she asked for it.” We must hold them accountable for attacking a vulnerable person. Phoebe is not the first child to take her own life as a result of bullying. It is a terrible fact of American life that our children can be horrible human beings; vengeful and spiteful at times and often prey on weaker children. I won’t get into where they learn such horrid behavior except to say, just take a look at any American news broadcast to see how adults in the different political parties behave toward each other.
In the blog post about a “major break” in Phoebe’s story – I read it twice and I did not read a “major break.” What is the “major break” in the story? That she may have been sexually assaulted? or that she engaged in “risky behavior”? Even if Phoebe did put herself in a situation that opened her up to criticism by her peers, that in no way diminishes the gravity of their offense against her and against society.
HMB, thanks for posting here. my door is always open and i am all ears. danny
here is my response as blogger here to your comments. first of all, well said, HMB
2. as for the MAJOR BREAK announced in my headline, it is not a major break in the legal process, that's for the prosecutor and the defense lawyers to tack about, i meant that Jenniger B coming here and commenting with her post, completely out of the blue, I never met Jennifer before, but i am very glad she posted her important POV, and she is more than welcome to keep coming back to post more, and you too, HMB, the major break here is that Jennifer said what she said. That's all. Major to me. minor to others maybe. I still say major because RE:
1. ''As for the bullying of Phoebe, regardless of her past, her risky behavior, or anything she may have done to “ask for it” there is simply no excuse for the behavior of the bullies. None. Zero. They will not be able to mount a defense based on “she asked for it.” We must hold them accountable for attacking a vulnerable person. ''
I AGREE WITH YOU HERE. MY BLOG IS NOT ABOUT EXCUSING THE BULLIES. NO WAY. I AM MERELY TRYING TO UNDERSTAND PHOEBE AND I AM ON HER SIDE.
2. ''Phoebe is not the first child to take her own life as a result of bullying. "
HMB, I AM STILL NOT SURE IF SHE TOOK HER OWN LIFE AS A RESULT OF THE BULLYING ONLY.....SURELY THE BULLYING MUST BE PUNISHED YES. BUT WE ARE STIL NOT SURE WHY SHE KILLED HERSELF. DO YOU KNOW? ASK ANN ALTHOUSE OR GOOGLE HER. SHE KNOWS...
3. ''In the blog post about a “major break” in Phoebe’s story – I read it twice and I did not read a “major break.” What is the “major break” in the story?''
THAT JENNIFER POSTER HER COMMENT HERE. THAT'S major!!!!
4. ""Even if Phoebe did put herself in a situation that opened her up to criticism by her peers, that in no way diminishes the gravity of their offense against her and against society."
I AGREE WITH HER HERE, 100 PERCENT.
Jennifer, i completely agree as i've observed this behaviour in people i knew and even myself to some extent, and eventually figured out for myself what you're talking about here - thankfully without getting myself into such high-risk situations physically - but i found that i put myself in 'high risk' emotional situations, if that makes sense - violence is not just of one kind after all...
I've thought similar things to myself over the years and have been puzzling it over in my head about the treatments society seems to mete out - one min it's abuse the victim = no help to 'em, the next, molly-coddle the "victim" = ALSO no help to them.
think it comes from a society that does not want to truly look at the problems and examine it's root-cases, afraid of what it might find and afraid to hold itself accountable and responsible. you've said it very well and you're a very brave and strong person to not just survive but so articulately present your viewpoint in a well-balanced manner...xx chitrali
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